Let’s Talk... About the real reason why your communication is not working 


How does it feel when you just had a good talk? And somebody listened. And really heard you

Whether it is with yourself, with a loved one, a friend, a stranger or your therapist, a good talk always leaves you feeling light, warm, fulfilled, relieved, connected and loved. Why is that? A good talk is not just good conversation, it is good communication. Good communication is feeling heard, seen, validated and understood. At the heart of every conflict or misunderstanding with others or with yourself is a failure of communication.

When you are anxious and depressed….

Do you have negative self-talk? What do you think and tell yourself about yourself that causes you fear, shame, doubt, anxiety and depression? Where is that low self-esteem coming from? Do you give all your power away to other people by blaming them for your problems? This never works. It only adds to your disappointment and pain. It is time to change your self-talk.

When your relationship is falling apart

Do you feel criticized, stonewalled, attacked and invalidated by someone you love when you tried to express yourself? Do you prefer the silent treatment or avoid talking rather than argue with your partner? Do you repress your and suppress your feelings and then feel resentful? Do you think there seems to be no way out of this? How you communicate drives you both crazy. But you also know a relationship dies when you are not engaged in good talk with your partner. There is a better way to a. happier relationship.

When you love each other but because of cultural difference, your communication get crossed meanings leading to misunderstandings

You were attracted to your partner partly because she brings to your life the excitement and novelty of a different cultural background. And we think as long we love each other, somehow things will work out, until you feel the frustration that comes from a different way of communicating, not wrong, just different. You do not want to lose this good relationship due to misunderstanding. There is a way to work these differences to greater understanding and deeper connection.

When you are cut off from your family

What led to this broken connection with your family? Your family is ideally a place of support and safety for you and yet you see them more as a source of harm and pain. Is there a failure of communication that you feel you cannot bridge?

Our nature is wired for connection. There is a way to live a life feeling connected and accepted and free to be who you really are. Underneath all these communication breakdowns and problems are buried psychological issues you may not be aware of.

When you want to discover your path to self-fulfillment

Are you frustrated and somehow disappointed with yourself, with your inability to get moving and do what you need to do to be happy?  Why is it hard for you to get your message across to people you work with to get things done? What is blocking you and keeping you stuck that is not outside of yourself? What kind of self-talk do you tell yourself? Do you know how to question them when they do not serve you?

When these are issues that rumble at the core of your discontent, pain and suffering, reach out to a therapist. There is one who listens with a third ear.

Talk to someone who can help you

  • see your blind spots
  • get to the bottom of your issues
  • develop awareness of your role in the creation and the elimination of your problems
  • gain insight as to your own inner resources and strengths to take hold of your issues
  • gain clarity on the changes and decisions you have to make to transform your life and relationships
  • equip you with knowledge and skills to cope with your unique challenges and find solutions
  • get what you want and eliminate what you don’t want in your life
  • express and communicate your needs and desires for a happier life.

It is time to have a good talk!

The Online Therapist by Bet Malarkey... the good talk psych

When I tell people I do online therapy or teletherapy, those who are not too acquainted with the idea would give me a raised brow and a  throw me a predictable question, "does it work?". We psychotherapists do talk therapy, and the same content of communication can be transmitted whether face-to-face, or mediated such as through video or phone. What makes talk therapy effective is more dependent on the ability of the communicator (in this case, the therapist) to draw out the client to be able to express him or herself because he/she feels safe with the therapist, resonates with the therapist, and feels like the therapist truly understands his/her issues and getting the help he/she needs. I can confidently say this because of my solid years of working with the online medium as a communications professional. The next question I get is, "you mean it is better than face-to-face therapy?" The honest answer is that they both have pros and cons when compared and of course, client's personal preference is what matters. But with all the conveniences offered by online therapy, in terms of time, location and less expense (check with your therapist), there is little not to like about it. 

As a therapist, and because of my facility and comfort with the online media, I enjoy the same quality of therapeutic interaction with my client as I do in person therapy. Whatever limitation is perceived with the medium when it comes to the therapeutic interaction is dependent on the skill and creativity of the therapist or the lack of this. I can attune to the tone, pitch, texture and nuances of their speech. Video sessions offers the same access to the nonverbal communication identified as a limitation for example. All in all however, the availability of online psychotherapy offers more accessibility to better mental health for those who are challenged by access and as such, a very positive direction for therapists and clients alike.

If online therapy is a better fit for your circumstances, call me, and let's have a good talk.

Honoring the Self

(These blogs are dedicated to you to provide you with insights, skills and coping mechanisms to transform your life from suffering to enjoyment. Every month's blog will focus on a specific subject)

Why is it that most of us tend to be more generous of care, more forgiving, more pleasing towards others than to ourselves? Do you notice how much critical we are of ourselves than of others? We put ourselves at the mercy of other people's acceptance of ourselves. Do they know you better than you are? Do they know what you are thinking and feeling?

If you recognize yourself as one of these people, and you do not understand why you suffer so much inside of you, causing you to feel depressed, anxious, and insecure, it is time to take another look at what you are doing to yourself.

Ask yourself the big question - why? 

A lot of clients who come to therapy could not answer this question on their own. They only know they are depressed and they suffer inside. Something inside of you wants to be paid attention to, seeking to be acknowledged, seen and heard. 

Do you want to feel good, if not better, with yourself? Would you like to enjoy your own company and be your own best friend as well? Then it is time to start your journey to achieve your best self!

Blogs — Cognitive Remediation Training - A different alternative or a supplement

There are many therapists and interventions for rehabilitation of children and adults with ADD/ADHD, many of whom are parents of children with this problem. The most frequently used treatment method involves the administration of drugs such as methylphenidate, and many argue that drugs do not rehabilitate but only relieve people with ADD/ADHD from the social and behavioral disruptiveness caused by attention deficiencies and hyperactive behavior.

However, many others argue that such symptom relief enables the person and those around him or her to improve cognitive and motor functioning and controls through standard educational and social training that would otherwise be impossible.

The next most common rehabilitation approach for ADD/ADHD uses various and specific cognitive/behavioral methods to help establish new brain-behavior relationships or functioning that is impaired in people with ADD/ADHD.

Cognitive Remediation Therapy is a treatment intended to improve difficulties with such cognitive skills as attention, memory, speed of information processing, problem solving, organization, and planning. 

Cognitive remediation is a behavioral treatment that uses drill and practice, compensatory and adaptive strategies to facilitate improvement in targeted cognitive areas. It aims to improve cognitive impairments that are making it difficult for a person to achieve their functional goals. For example, someone with attention and memory problems, an ADD/ADHD. may have difficulty following directions from their boss, or may lose track of important information their friends and family tell them. People who have difficulty being organized and prioritizing information may find it hard to manage independent living, or going to school. 

Different types of cognitive remediation treatments have been developed, and they vary in the diagnostic population they were designed to treat, the frequency of sessions, the tasks used, whether everyone does the same activities or the sessions are tailored to the particular needs of the individual. 

For example, if a person wants to go to school, but finds it hard to pay attention, he or she would work on tasks that improve attention. Part of the session would be devoted to working individually on cognitive tasks, and another part of the session would be devoted to working with a therapist/coach to practice strategies to improve cognitive skills and ways to use newly developed cognitive abilities to improve performance of everyday tasks.

Cognitive remediation is also available for children and adults suffering from psychotic disorders,  people with mild intellectual deficits, people with brain injuries, and for older subjects suffering from early stage dementia.